You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
