well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
