yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
