I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
