she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
