My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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