we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
