if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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