watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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