Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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