There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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