Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
