i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Vodka?
Forever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
