zippers are such a cool invention
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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