A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize