I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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