Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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