erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
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new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
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Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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