I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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