so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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