literally had 100 drinks last night.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
