sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
