the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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