I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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