Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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