I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
