My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
