Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
