if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
