are you so shy because you have an std?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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