Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
