Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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