what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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