Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
