i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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