I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
