Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
