yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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