well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
