it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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