I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
