I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i think i just lost a toe
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