the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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