During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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