she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
