i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
