Apparently you make a good broom.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
