if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We are two peas in an std pod
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
