and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
