I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
