I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
