The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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