Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
