your parents love me but you hate me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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