Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
