i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
