there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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