dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
