hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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