And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
