me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
