my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
