I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
