You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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