I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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