Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
