I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
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I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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