think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
