M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
